Sea of Madness
In the back of our heads we have an image of how people around us and the rest of the world SHOULD be. We look back to where we’ve traveled in this life journey and we think of how everything COULD have been. We are lucky if things were and are close enough to these expectations. How unfortunate we must feel if it were otherwise, yes?
It is this falling short of expectations that we need to manage correctly because failure to do so can cause irreparable stress and damage.
I cannot seem to find the post where I may have mentioned that lesson I learned that life is like a wild river ride. There is the slow flow, rapids, twists and turns, obstacles and debris. Perhaps there is even the fearsome Piranha or Croc that would eat us alive if we are unfortunate enough to take a dip at the wrong section. There are many things beyond our control regardless of how we imagined the river to be. As we go down the river, there is no getting upset at why the river is the way it is, why obstacles and debris get in the way, why the treachery and danger lie where they do. We deal with it as best as we can with the advanced knowledge of the river from those who have been there before but more importantly, facing situations that we may discover for ourselves. But always never letting it get the better of us but rather maneuvering ourselves out of the situation and staying out of trouble.
So I wonder why is it that in the real world we get upset when traffic is awful, when people behave outside our box of expectations, when things go wrong, when the weather becomes unbearable or the cupboard is bare, when nothing seems to turn out as expected. And because of this we stress out, get cranky, mad, get overburdened, smoke and drink ourselves numb or simply go into depression. Why can we not just take things for what they are and deal with them accordingly.
I remember now..it was not about a river but a walk through a forest in my post Perception “When I get irritated by people or their behavior, I wonder why I don’t react in the same vicious way when I walk in the woods and mosquitoes, flies and other insects pester me or even when a log or rock blocks my path. I take this attitude when I want to have a peaceful day or need to go through heavy traffic. I imagine walking through a jungle where I have no judgement over the conditions and creatures that threaten or get in my way. Instead I deal with them as givens in a wild world and act accordingly. Can you imagine screaming at a fly or cursing a boulder? Or allowing cows’ dung in the middle of the path to ruin your day/vacation?”
I get misunderstood a lot when I define people and situations as they are. When I tag someone as lazy, incompetent, disrespectful, dishonest, hardworking, assertive, loud, shy, liar, reliable or whatever personality type they may exhibit, it is based on what these persons have chosen to manifest and show me. They can brag about how great they have done in the past but their present actions and results will be the final judge. They can give me references of people they work greatly with but how we relate to each other defines our compatibility. I have seen brilliant people reduced to a flicker. I have also seen mediocrity turn into excellence. I don’t take people for what they have been or how they are with other people. I take them for what they are…now…with me. This tendency to define people gave rise to the monicker “profiler”. Yes I confess. I profile every person I meet. I define every situation I’m in. And for very obvious reasons. In order to know how I need to relate to them (personal universe). I cannot be expected to be candid and open with someone who is a gossiper and rumor monger. I cannot be casual in precarious situations. I cannot entrust something to someone who is not trustworthy. In many instances honesty is not the best policy.
As a life coach, I have made it a point to get to know the people I work with. Just like a basketball player, I need to know my team so that when the last seconds of the game require the crucial 3 point shot I know whom to pass the ball to. I also need to get to know my opponents so that I can avoid or brace myself from the dirty players. For a team coach, a game plan cannot be designed effectively without knowing the players first.
I go through life seemingly unaffected, cold, harsh and brutal appearing to be self centered and inconsiderate. I am only taking care of my sanity because I will never let the nature of the wild river, its obstacles and debris, hidden dangers and threats, my own delusions and false expectations get the better of me. I treat people and situations just they way they are. No presumptions, no illusions. Just simple objectivity.
I guess when we consider the complexity of life…it is no longer a wild river ride…it is a sea of madness. Sail On!
