Unconditional Love
I used to feel bad for couples having the “misfortune” of raising less than perfect children, couples whose balanced relationship is suddenly marred by a “misfortunate” turn of events rendering one partner practically useless and a burden to the other, a spouse whose partner’s flawless beauty fades away with time or lifestyle, perhaps suddenly disfigured by a “misfortunate” incident or the many other influences that appear to be unfair and undeserving for such devoted and beautiful couples and families.
When love is an issue in one’s soul evolution, it is always a certainty that the attraction that brings people into a loving pool will transform into something that will either diffuse or further ignite the love that comes with being in a perfect situation. The weather changes and so do emotions.
On one side, indeed it is so easy to love a smart and vibrant child or the perfect partner whose beauty melts onlookers with envy. It is not difficult to imagine the bliss that harmonious relationships bring about and the security that comes with responsible partners.
The easy part about loving is when everything is perfect.
The other side of equation is being able to even love at all. It is effortless on the part of a loving person to love. But how does one love when the well of love is dry? It is easy to give what one has. How does one give what he does not have? Do we stop short of loving because we have no love to share or stop giving because there is nothing more to give?
To love someone “unlovable” is the true test of genuine, unconditional love. Whether it was said in jest or seriousness, I recall love being given or taken away depending on how I did in school, how I conducted myself at home or in the presence of others, if I was obedient or “good”. If I wanted to be loved, I would have to be or do something. I grew up thinking that love was something that needed to be earned like a prize or a gift and it was also something that could be lost if one stepped out of line whereby a sense of being undeserving and unlovable was the ultimate price to pay. I could not just be myself…I had to be deservingly lovable. It was the perfect example of conditional love…I will love you IF…
In such a set up, to stay “in” love by loving or remain loved becomes a conscious game of behavioral conduct. Be lovable or lose it. When this air of conditionality sets in, the spontaneity and vibrancy of being human is lost. The innocence of spiritual freedom is stifled. Relationships become a power struggle with the lover yielding enormous influence over the loved by dispensing or withholding such a priceless emotional commodity. It brings the loved one into a level of subservience always wary of staying within bounds or losing grace.
To love unconditionally, like freedom, however, comes with responsibility. Love, like freedom can be abused by both lover and loved. Its power can be used to manipulate the less secure partner. Only when sincere giving and caring can love be free from of the machinations of human domestication.
The true measure of love is growth. When there is nothing to give and receive it is the end. Or is it? When the well is dry and the bottom of the barrel has been scraped clean, is it really the end or just the beginning? When the pastures turn dry is it time to move on to greener pastures or bring back life to the barren land?
I hardly knew my grandmother but she would never turn me away in the few times when I needed anything from her. She would drop whatever she was doing to listen to or entertain me when I would drop by her room (she was always in her room and I do not recall her visiting us), go out of her way and produce what she did not have on hand, fix my clothes or cut my nails. She was never too busy or void of whatever I needed. If she didn’t have it she would look for it and get it. It was amazing. It would have been convenient to be with her all the time and push her buttons whenever I needed something but the effort she puts just to accommodate me kept me away more than loiter around her. Having done nothing for her, I felt I did not deserve the sacrifices she did for me. I did not want to inconvenience her. I was not comfortable to see her actually going out of her way to do or get something for me. I did not see much of her but I remember her kindness and unconditional love. Perhaps I should have spent more time with her to learn the other side of what I knew then about love.
In believing that this life journey is all about spiritual growth, I no longer pity but rather cheer for those who face adversities and difficulties in their relationships as this is the environment that nurtures unconditional love into full fruition and bring their spirits to a higher level of existence.
