Workshops of Love

I attended an emotionally draining workshop where one of the exercises was to freely express in whatever manner what it was we felt to anyone in the room. In particular gratitude, appreciation, love, forgiveness, etc. Perhaps anger, resentment, jealousy, etc. There was this girl I had an attraction to and wanted to tell her how much her awesome beauty struck me. Apparently, I was not the only one as many lined up to express themselves to her. Rather than be obvious, I spent the time to express myself to others while waiting for the right opportunity to come. Meanwhile we would catch ourselves glancing at each other.

As everyone scrambled to express themselves, the facilitator stopped the exercise to the disdain of everyone who needed more time. I in particular felt so empty that I had not expressed myself to her. The feeling seemed mutual as we kept looking at each other (Uiy). We all demanded (haha) for an extension, got one and spent a great deal of time until everyone had expressed themselves to each other. Lovely isn’t it?

Before we got the extension, it was explained that life is like that. We never know when the time is up. We gingerly procrastinate and hesitate and wait for the “right” moment. We gallantly let others go ahead and we linger around feeling the air. And sometimes that moment never comes. (True but don’t take this literally. It doesn’t apply to everything and not everything is urgent, sometimes timing is crucial. Tactful discretion always works best).

Thank you to everyone who commented, emailed, called and texted re my post Fathers and Sons (Part 1) (210 hits in one day!) Yes my father and I never got to reconcile our differences and I regret not having been able to tell him how much I deeply appreciated what he had done for me (us), ask for his forgiveness and make up for lost time. Indeed, a child sometimes only gets to profoundly understand his parents when he becomes one.

Go express whatever brings happiness before it’s too late.

Condolences to the family of Tim Russert, Meet the Press

Timelessness

 I am 5 weeks behind in my story book. Three of that was eaten up by my immersion in the mystery of death, one digesting what has transpired in the last 5 weeks and the other was figuring out how to take off from the last post.

At 55 there are things that have happened decades ago that are still fresh in my mind. It reminds me of the story of Rip Van Winkle and I do feel that with some things, I have slept through them and find myself left behind while with a few others, they have remained the same with hardly any movement in time.

I have been in  the same location for the past seven years, the longest I have stayed in one place since I dropped out of college. There are things scattered around that should have been picked up right there and then but are still lying around after seven years.  The house needs repairs that have been neglected over time. I have a to do list that looks like it was written just this morning except for the faded paper and ink.

If there is anything I need to learn from all these, is that nothing will get done and go away on its own. I was told that external events are a reflection of internal conditions. The crisis I faced in dealing with the circumstances surrounding my mother’s death were a reflection of my inner complications and my stepping up to it was the assertion of the “I AM”.

On the other hand, there are things I wish never changed. There are possessions and experiences I wish I could have frozen in time and be able to indulge in it every now and then. There are many things I miss but can never get back to.

A Feng Shiu book suggests that we take a look at our abode from a third party point of view. As we enter the gate, take note of what we hear, see, feel, smell and the impressions we get. What images of the inhabitants do we see? When we enter the house, what do the items say about the occupants? The layout, the items themselves and the overall impact on a first time visitor? Upon meeting the people, what do their clothes and appearance say about them?

We have been told time and again never to judge a book by its cover. And why not? Isn’t that where it all ends? Isn’t the external a reflection of the internal? Isn’t reality a manifestion of what is in someone’s inner being? How can it be otherwise?

These are not first time encounters. I have been through them over the last thirty years. But I forget and I neglect. So I go up and down. Right and left. In and out. We struggle to reach a state of equilibrium of balance and permanence and beat ourselves when we lose hold. It is like asking for the weather to remain warm all year and maybe even have only daylight and so we curse the heavens when the weather changes.

My first entry was entitled “My Petri Dish”. When I was in college, a petri dish was a container where we observed an organism to either thrive, mutate or die depending on the conditions we set in. I have realized that the world we live in is a petri dish where organisms evolve simultaneously influencing each other and the world itself is evolving in its galactic petri dish and the galaxy is evolving in the universal petri dish…..in effect, the cells in our bodies, our bodies, our families, our towns and cities, our nation, our environment, our planet, galaxy and universe is evolving simultaneously.

Today, I feel my evolution more than ever and to be in tune with the rest of the universe is a wonderful feeling.

So what’s the fuzz all about?

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