Quantum Insanity

It has been an exhausting month of shuffling from one project to another trying to get them all going as quick as possible. Imagine yourself trying to start off half a dozen or more plates on a stick spinning at the same time. (Have you seen those talented Chinese ladies do that?) And that is just the beginning. Once those plates start to spin you will need to keep them spinning and in time add a few more plates. It is tough enough to spin or juggle objects of the same size and weight. Imagine doing that with objects of various dimensions. Translate this metaphor into daily tasks and that is the state where I’m currently in at the moment.

I suppose we are all faced with various tasks both at home and at work. In a previous post, I tackled time management and how much we unknowingly throw away precious time by indulging in petty activities perhaps a few insignificant seconds or minutes at a time but taken altogether, translates into precious hours in a day, days in a month or weeks and even months in a year.

It is not so much about keeping up with time and competitively getting the most things done in a given timeframe but about simply doing what needs to be done. Except perhaps the fact that we have defined time to the nano second, nothing much has changed since man attuned his life to nature’s cycles even prior to the number of moons it takes to get something done.

Perhaps what makes it different now is the number of choices of mind boggling things to do or be and our insatiable appetite for knowledge and experience makes us want to try everything out including the unnecessary ones.

Einstein postulated that time is relative. My take is that on one end of the spectrum, there is a frame of mind that makes time spin so fast there is no time to get anything done. On the other end, there is a mindset that makes time so slow that life practically comes to a boring standstill. And yet, both mindsets look at the same timepiece ticking away, enjoy the same sunsets and sunrises as well as faces of the moon. My mind is so malleable I sway from one end to the other. The trick is finding the point where doing things become enjoyable with the least amount of pressure.

The universe has amazing ways of revealing its mystery to us. After many months of trying to understand by experiencing the quantum phenomena of “the external world is a manifestation of the inner world”, I am now in agreement that the universe is intrinsically a potentiality until our perceptions and attitudes come into play to define the dimensions of the world we see and experience. As we alter our inner being without necessarily defining it in absolute terms, the external world unfolds accordingly and all we have to do is take pleasure from the magnificent revelation of its diversity.

Healthy living is like putting on the appropriate lens of the mind to preserve our sanity as certain dimensions of the universe can drive us into the depths of insanity. It sounds as easy as pressing the remote button to change how the world appears when we get sick of the same old story. My grandson marveled at a worm in a cartoon and I said it was a cow not a worm. He stuck to his word and later pointed to a tiny worm on the shoulder of the moose that looked like a cow to me. Same picture different views.

I know some people who wear dark glasses at night (both literally and figuratively) and complain they can’t see anything or worse…imagine things that aren’t there at all…like McCain and Palin who actually believe their lies and delusions despite facts and common sense that say otherwise. Good Luck Pax Americana.

It is not about WHAT we see…it is all about HOW we see it.

2nd wordpress birthday

 Happy Birthday to me. 

In my last year’s post I wrote about birthdays best celebrated for moms. I still feel the same way.  It is only fitting that we give our moms the honor of birthing us into this life. Conception is not an easy experience. There are eight of us siblings. I have four kids. I am a grandfather now. I have seen more than my share of the mysteries of life, sufficient enough to honor it.  There are many things that youth takes for granted and only upon aging do we realize what we have squandered. As the adage goes…”we realize the true value of what we have when we have lost it”.

I have learned to treasure what I come across in life these days. I welcome how life unfolds no matter how unappealing it may appear. If I look hard enough there is wisdom to why such a revelation unfolds before me. 

There comes a time in one’s life when something long awaited arrives. It is like a long delayed gift finally arriving, a phenomena only the universe’s intelligence can comprehend. There is an uneasy feeling about this. It is like wanting a pair of new shoes but anxious if it will fit after all these years or it is no longer the style in vogue. There is both apprehension and excitement. In the end, acceptance with gratitude will reveal the wisdom of such timing. 

There are gifts appropriate enough to accept. There are those best for others. There will be times to say thank you for the gift and times to say sorry I cannot accept it. It will take discernment to know which is which.  And however it goes, there is good reason for either way. I accepted a gift as a gesture of politeness only for the giver to be insulted when I did not make use of it. I turned down an opportunity to be with an unpretentious young lady only to find out she has grown into a beautiful woman. 

There are gifts we need to use and those that are best kept on a mantle or in their boxes. Some gifts lose their value over time, some appreciate as it gets older. We sold our 1956 Chevy Bel Air for $12.00 as junk and today someone is offering $500.00 for something like it. I scrimped on using a hard to find tent repair kit only to harden and be useless when I needed it again. 

There are tangible and intangible gifts. The intangibles are more malleable and difficult to weigh. There are gifts given freely while some have strings (chains?) attached. Some gifts have ill intentions behind them (trojan horses). Some gifts are outright acts of generosity. They are the best gifts. 

The best gifts I received this year are that my children are all happy despite the circumstances we’re in and that someone I’ve been asking for finally arrived.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Evolution

In my understanding of the Anthroposophical concept of spirit evolution, it is believed that we choose the families and circumstances we are born into. This ‘pre-destination’ comes about as we realize certain inadequacies while in the spiritual world, propelling us to reincarnate into the environment best suitable to develop these ‘imperfections’. Thus, a soul lacking in patience will choose to reincarnate into an environment where people are always late for appointments, things take forever to happen, incompetence abounds and whatever else may be required to develop patience is just everywhere.

With the spirit at the core of our beingness, we come to realize that our physical existence is but a mechanism for our spiritual growth. It is this understanding that brings to light the need to know our circumstances in order to appreciate and live our purpose in this life.

Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. Events issue from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meeting and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way…W.H. Murray

The above quote has been used to explain how the universe conspires to bring us what we need. That everything and everyone that comes our way is a gift meant to aid us in both our physical and spiritual evolution. That nothing happens by chance and everything has a purpose. This attitude allows us to accept events in our lives in a more compassionate manner. It gives us the space to understand people and circumstances.

My own birth circumstances indicate that I was born into isolated affluence. A small community such as my birthplace easily placed my family in a position of prominence. There are advantages and disadvantages for such a condition. In my case, it was largely a disadvantage…or so I thought. For a country where social stratification was marked with wide gaps, it was convenient to tag people as them and us and it was difficult for us to be with them because we were breeds apart.

I found an easy way to bridge that gap. Have something and share what they didn’t have. Be needed. Be wanted. And for a young boy who had to sneak out of the house in order to socialize, that something was money, comic books and toys. Looking back, it was easy to understand what my grandfather meant when he told me back in college…”your friends are there only because of your money and car. Walk to school and leave your money at home and soon you will know who your friends really are”. I did and still do every now and then. There are beautiful lessons to be learned from such an experience but that is for another post.

So why did I as spirit choose these circumstances? What lessons are to be learned from such a vantage point? What evolutionary path am I to take?

While my left hand dipped into the lives of shoe shine boys, newpaper boys, pony boys and the neighbors’ caretakers’ children playing with bottle caps and rubber bands, slippers and empty milk cans, my right would shake the hands of pampered scions of industry’s giants at the country club and social gatherings. It was a paradoxical extension of growing up in a 12 bedroom house shared by a wealthy grandfather and a hard working tire salesman father who drew the lines of scarcity and abundance under one roof.

I grew up in two opposite worlds at the same time, at times not knowing where I truly belonged. Both sides despised each other and I would feel the pain of one as the other threw insults and ridicule. I learned the value of the adage “when in Rome do as the Romans do” but doing so altered my identity.

I have been both employer and employee, superior and subordinate, rich and poor, alone and in a group. I am blessed to have been accepted in both worlds and in being so I have come to understand the yin and yang of life, that there is black and white but more importantly there is the gray.

Our paths, it seems, is not to narrow the gap, nor influence one to become the other, not even to take sides but rather to blend both worlds into a comprehensive concoction of human experience and in its volatility, a new being emerges.

It is no longer just water, ice cubes, sugar and lemon but simply thirst quenching lemonade.

This may sound like a one way street. No it’s not. We all chose where we need to be and our being together is no coincidence. We are all gifts to each other in aid of spiritual evolution. Things happen when the perfect condition arises no matter how imperfect it may appear. It couldn’t be otherwise. Touche’.

A Personal Universe

We go about our daily lives unmindful of the conditions of people around us and carry on this obliviousness right in our own homes particularly in the midst of some very peculiar situations that need special attention. There is a tendency to assume that people are normal until signs that indicate otherwise calls our attention, often times at a stage where the relationship has reached irreconcilable levels.

It is unfortunate that we are distant from the very persons we need to be close to. If a matrix or planetary chart were to be drawn with you at the center surrounded by people, who would be closest to you? Farthest? Who do you know best? Least? What clusters would be formed?

It is fun to draw a chart like that but there is some care required in the process of doing so. When we describe people, it is difficult to maintain objectivity let alone consistency, as judgments, labeling and biases intermingle with objective descriptions. It can be as complicated as the variations of how we relate to people. Our choice of charts reflect how we size up people. It reveals the framework from where we begin to look at people.

We can have as many charts as the various ways we relate to people. Trust. Fun. Responsible. Intellectual. Humor. Emotional. Sensuality. Beauty, Fitness, Sociability, Etc. One’s place will differ in every chart. One may be closer to another intellectually but distant emotionally. An entertaining person can be the least considered when responsible behavior is required. It is fun to have a chart for every situation and when we superimpose the charts together, we see order in who is most dear or distant to us.

It is normal in considering a relationship to have preconditions particularly when an objective has been set as in looking for a business partner, employee, life partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse), sports buddy, etc. We design a box and find people who will fit the dimensions and discard those who don’t. Seldom do we meet people without an agenda in the back of our minds and although it may be practical in some ways, such an approach in meeting people deprives us of the opportunity to see what others are all about. A person who failed a job interview may be the sports buddy we’ve been looking for. A colleague at work could be the source of emotional support. A failed romance could have been better off as a business partnership. The unassuming girl at the backroom could be the love of our life. We put people in boxes and fail to see who they really are. It’s like using wrenches as hammers and complain when it falls apart. Then we wonder why we don’t have any friends.

We also impose preconditions on ourselves with how we relate to people and how we behave. We are stiff at work and reckless at the gym. We have strict protocols and avoid spontaneity. We hold back our laughter in front of the boss or in public. We suppress our tears and opinions. We put ourselves in boxes and deprive the world from seeing who we really are. We make fun of everything and wonder why we are not taken seriously. Then we complain of being rejected.

I have found it to be healthy to get to know people first and allow others to know me before putting them in their rightful place in my “solar system” also hoping I am where I should be in theirs. To share our innermost being with each other without preconception allows a sense of freedom and integrity. To see someone for who they really are and not for how they affect or appeal to us is an exercise in honoring other people.

In my profession, I have developed a sense of altruism and often times catch myself looking for solutions and ways to make things better. In many ways this has been viewed as unwanted intervention and invasion of personal space…sometimes judgmental. Most people dislike being probed like a specimen in a petri dish or lab subject. Critiques after all, are seldom welcomed. The few who do appreciate it, find it exciting to discover what lies in their blind spots and laugh at the thought that one can be so unaware of something so glaring to others. For me, there is peace in knowing the order of my universe.

As a complex being, humans can only be described based on what they manifest regardless of potential. A lazy person’s burning desire to be more hardworking will not remove the fact that he’s lazy. Unless it is manifested, potentials remain just that…potential. The question is…what role do we play in someone else’s development? Do our actions encourage mediocrity or excellence? Do we reinforce current behavior rather than allow potential to manifest? Are we hopeful or skeptical of the future? What are we in fact creating? What people do we attract into our lives? Why?

It can be very difficult to draw a map of our personal universe. Life is three or ten dimensional depending on what you believe in. Regardless of how complicated our universe is, there is order once we take a hard look without the emotional blinders. Whether it appeals to you or not, the stars are where they need to be. Whether you like people or not, they will always be who they are. Does our own beingness repel or attract them?

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars -Persian Proverb. From the book, Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin.

Reunions and Transformation

I made mistakes and regret smudging the canvass of my life’s masterpiece. So I vow to be more careful, knowing full well that my record and reputation precedes me. It sounds easy to “fall, get up, wipe the dust off” and move on. Perhaps if I were alone, it would be that easy. But there is that unforgiving, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks world out there with a mindset that has the tendency to nail people to their past. The same world to begin with, that imposed its values upon me. A demanding world that was poised to reject me if I did not conform or be like everybody else. A hostile world I viewed as the threat to my freedom of expression and individual uniqueness. A cynical world that believes I did it and can do it again because it considers all beings to be the sum of their history. A threatened world now challenging the change I have become.

>
This blog began as a biographical draft and turned out to be a discourse on self awareness. I thought I would get to know and understand what I have become after all these years and move on with the understanding that we are what we have become. And that is precisely the trap that conformity got me into. It is a trap that denies the miracle of change, of the human being’s malleability and capacity to transgress his present circumstances and evolve into a new specie within the same lifetime.

It is not as easy as I thought it would be to come out of one’s shell. To move from one mold to another and emerge like a new born baby. It is easier said than done because there are internal and external conversations that say the same thing: that isn’t me. The old me fights to protect its turf to prove it has been right all along and will not allow the new me to takeover. It stands in the way and cheers when the new me attempts to assert itself and fails to make its mark. It is a battle of a fragile seven year old against a sturdy forty eight year old. It is the ultimate example of bullying.

A great deal of courage and determination is required to bury something that has been with me all my life. Specially something that brought pleasure and excitement. A great deal of courage and determination is required to emerge through something that has entrenched itself far too long. It is like water breaking through stone. A great deal of courage and determination is required to see that which has never been seen. It is like the magic photograph that reveals a hidden image seen only from a distance or a squint of an eye or the ghosts that have always been there but we refused to look at them or even acknowledge their presence.

The quantum world view considers everything as pure potential until an observer with all his expectations, preconceptions, programs and judgments steps into the picture and a world ultimately of his own making is revealed. With these filters, the observer will be blind to anything outside the parameters of his perception boundaries. As co-players we bring with us everything we are capable of manifesting. As co-observers, we bring to the theater our own set of expectations. And with the fusion of both, commonalities emerge and we have physical “reality” in front of us and everything outside of this framework is thrown back to “mere” potentialities or illusions.

It is difficult to shake off impressions created by past actions and even more difficult to wiggle out of an observer’s fixations particularly if he is someone from the past or carrying some knowledge of the past with a tendency to bring back to life a personality trait buried a long time ago. It would take a totally compassionate individual to allow another to metamorphose from the hairy caterpillar to an awesome butterfly. But more importantly, it would take a totally committed person to keep his unwanted past buried and stand his ground, born again regardless of temptations by the present to resurrect the dead.

Reunions are great if it celebrates the excitement of a future paved by the present. It is sad when the dead is reincarnated by endless episodes of how we were rather than how we are and could be.